Wednesday, August 15, 2007

a little light reading

so i was sitting on the plane yesterday watching people walk down the aisle towards me trying to figure out which one would sit next to me. naturally all of my top choices passed me by, so i felt lucky when instead of the super old dude with tons of bags, i got the very petite suburban housewife-looking woman with an expensive purse. i was planning on ignoring her and taking a nap, but she pulled a magazine out of her purse and started reading so intently i felt like it was pretty much my obligation to glance over. she was reading an article on vaginal restoration. or rejuvination. or something. i can't quite recall, but the point is if you're old, you're supposed to get a new vagina. i thought that was kind of odd, but it wasn't until like an hour into the flight that i realized it wasnt just an article. the ENTIRE MAGAZINE was nothing but page after page of how-to-not-look-old techniques. from the vagina she moved on to "firming up" your face, then on to how to get fabulous feet. keep in mind this magazine was oh, about 150 pages thick.

so here's the thing: what the fuck?!? i mean i know our society is ridiculous, but i didn't realize it was entire magazine full of articles about why you're too old to be a real woman anymore ridiculous. or maybe i did realize that. that's not the point. the point is that this is all pretty disgusting. the fact that this middle-aged woman is reading magazines on how to make sure her feet are pretty and her vag is tight for i assume her husband who even from across the aisle i can tell is not putting any such effort into his own personal upkeep is really fucked up.

conclusion: she should have been reading skymall instead. while she was wasting her time trying to get young again, *I* learned that for just $120 i can purchase a fake rock, size "tall," to cover any blemishes in my yard. i think instead though, i may go with the robotic shark.

3 comments:

icarus said...

robotic sharks are gay.

icarus said...

oops, what i meant was: "robotic sharks are fabulous."

kidbonita said...

definitely go with the fake rock to cover the blemishes in your yard. oh, wait, you don't have a yard. i guess you'll have to go with the robotic shark, but where are you going to find a swimming hole for it in nyc?