Sunday, August 12, 2007

the bourne audacity?

So a friend and I went to see The Bourne Ultimatum last night. First off- that movie was freaking great. If you like action, action, and... oh what else? Action- then this movie is for you. Also the plot was pretty okay, mostly it was the fight scenes and the suspense that kept me interested.
Anyway, this blog isn't a movie review, it is mostly a recounting of the events that transpired at the Lincoln Center AMC on 66th and Broadway, and about how people on the Upper West side (particularly older people.. particularly old white women) can be completely out of their minds. The best way to tell this is probably in a little narration, so go ahead and sit back and enjoy the story.

Two girls walk into a theater, excited about the action movie that they're about to see. With a week filled with the monotony of office work and the dull buzz of computer monitors taking a quick break to enjoy a bit of heart-stopping action is just what they need.
As they stepped into the actual theater the sticky floors and the slight smell of stale popcorn overcame them, as well as the realization that this, unfortunately, was a small, old-fashioned theater- the kinds with seats designed just so that each and every moviegoer can be lucky enough to have their very own head partially blocking their vision. Just their luck. Despite all this the girls are determined to have an excellent time, after all, they've been looking forward to this for a while, and it wouldn't make sense to let some architect's half-developed idea of sight and comfort disrupt their evening.
"So what were you saying before?" Brittany asks her friend, anxious to hear the rest of a really good bit of gossip.
The previews begin, and so AJ lowers her voice and moves up in her seat a little in order to finish the story quickly and quietly. "Oh, yeah- so when she said that you could tell that people felt really awkward, everybody was just looking at one another-"
"Excuse me!" A voice exclaims in an exasperated tone.
The two girls turn around, not understanding if the voice was directed at them. They turn and a woman with sharp features, short hair and incredibly disdainful eyes stares them down. They look at her, still slightly confused that she would have the audacity to interrupt them, and continue to speak, albeit more softly.
"EXCUSE me!!!!" The voice returns and the woman, seated next to Brittany, leans in, as though preparing to discipline a child or student of hers.
Annoyed, Brittany responds: "Yes?"
"You're talking and I'm trying to watch this!"
"Well excuse me, but it's the previews, they've only just started, and you have no right to tell us what to do. You are not our mother, and quite frankly, you're being very rude."
"What? I said excuse me!" Visibly thrown off, she puffs herself up in her seat a bit more, like an ruffled bird attempting to look menacing, all the while her quiet husband sinks slightly in his chair.
"Maybe so, but your tone was incredibly disrespectful. I appreciate that you said excuse me, but next time show a little more respect. Thank-you. I'm going to enjoy the movie now," Brittany responds, looking the woman directly in her eyes before turning back to AJ, shaking her head and laughing quietly.

Okay, so that's all of what I'm going to write that way, but suffice it to say that crazy lady was decidedly a psycho. She actually took it upon herself to tell the married couple in front of her to stop being so close because she "couldn't see," to which the husband responded that she shouldn't have sat her [dumb ass] in the back row, and that he could hug his wife if he wanted to.
Oh, and as the movie started, during the quiet dialog in the beginning these two crazy old ladies enter the theater, loudly asking "IS THAT A SEAT?" in raspy voices throughout the entire theater, at EVERY aisle.
Also then this guy started talking on his phone at several intervals. Loudly. He was in another section of the theater and I knew that he had to "give the keys to Chris" at some point later in the day.
It's like, damn- really? Word? They all made so much noise and were so rude, probably mostly because they felt entitled, because they could do whatever they want. The lady that had the nerve to try to correct me and my friend's behavior? She probably thought she could say whatever she wanted because we were young and (yes, this could have counted to for all you "race isn't anything" people out there who for some crazy reason read this blog) racially 'othered' in that almost-all-white theater. And what's more, she probably didn't expect me to respond the way I did- she probably expected me to be rude and disruptive (warranting my removal from the theater) or to just quietly acquiesce to what she wanted. But no, sorry lady- I'm going to stand up for myself, you have no right to tell me what to do in that way. yes, you are my elder and I will be respectful, but I will not be deferential, especially not to somebody who thinks, for whatever reason, that I am bound to obey them at the drop of a hat.


All this goes to say that white (and old!) people- you are just as crazy/loud/embarrassing and rude as any other minorities or teenagers. Please do not continue to act like your shizz don't stink- because it stinks up entire theaters!

No comments: